What Attracts a Man to a Woman

By Phoenix A. Black

Over the last week I have met a lot of women yet I was very unmotivated to further pursue most of them. I realized that the biggest reason for this was the absence of attraction from my side. I did not feel that raw feeling a man feels when he is attracted to a woman. That raw feeling will usually motivate a lot of men to walk through fire in order to get that woman.

So I asked myself, “What am I attracted to most in a woman?” and “What attracts a man to a woman?” For me it was the following:

1. Physical Appearance

2. Uniqueness

3. Confidence

4. Sense of Humor

5. Positivity

6. Fun Loving energy and vibe

7. Similarity in values and believes

8. Ambition

9. Independence

Sounds a lot like a woman’s list doesn’t it. Here is the thing though, you can not generalize and pin point all the things that will attract a man to a woman due to the vast differences of human individuality. However, there are overlapping attraction mechanisms that trigger men to feel attracted to women. These attraction mechanisms are as follows:

1. Physical Appearance. We all have different preferences for physical appearances and we are either attracted to a particular appearance or not. There are two factors that skew this fact. Firstly, the social standards of what is attractive physically plays a huge role in determining what is deemed physically attractive to men. Secondly, alcohol completely clouds a man’s judgment and he will deem attractive that which in a sober state he would not. Overall, physical appearance is the most important variable in determining whether or not a man will be attracted to a woman.

2. Uniqueness. We as human beings are evolutionary wired to feel attracted to someone who is different. This difference can be in form of physical appearance, personality traits, fashion sense and others. This attraction mechanism works very effectively for men. If a man deems a woman to be different (in a good way) from other women, he will feel attracted to her.

3. Personality Traits. These vary between men but for most part men are attracted to women who are funny, interesting, intelligent, positive, supportive, and have a high sex drive .

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• Texting Guidelines and Dating Etiquette – 10 Texting Rules For Dating Singles
• Eliminating Fear Of Rejection By The Opposite Sex A Simple Exercise
• Verbal Abuse is Still Abuse
• Online Dating Advice: Ask the Right Questions First

Verbal Abuse is Still Abuse

By Jennifer Bryan

If you have never been involved in an abusive relationship it is difficult to understand why someone would continue to place themselves in harms way.

The final straw for me came one night as I lay in bed next to my now ex husband. For some reason he got angry, so angry to the point he turned to me and said “I should just blow your (expletive) brains out and leave our kids orphans.”

After that I couldn’t sleep for months, even when a friend of mine helped me and the kids get out.

He was diagnosed as Bi-Polar the year before. That same threat happened a year before too, but I looked the other way since I knew he was sick. The second time though, I didn’t see any excuses. He had been on medication for over a year.

I was verbally abused by my now ex husband for nearly 10 years. A few years later I began counseling and it was then that I found out what he had been doing to me IS abuse.

I completed my counseling a year ago as did my two oldest children. Thanks to the support of friends, family and my best friend who was also my life coach, I am a happier, confident person.

My ex husband verbally abused me for years calling me every name in the book whenever I did something or things didn’t go his way.

For the longest time though, I didn’t consider it abuse. When I began counseling years later I was told it was abuse.

I did not realize how bad my self esteem was until I entered counseling. Then my children were sent to therapy and they too had low self esteem issues. For the longest time I believed I was useless. My son was probably the most affected by everything though. He was just a baby when all of this came to a head. He has had behavior problems that have lead me to consulting DHS and children’s services. Most of it though has come from a lack of interaction with his dad. Last year a good friend of mine stepped in to be a male mentor to him. While he still has behavior issues, my sons overall behavior has greatly improved.

I stayed in the marriage for my children, at least for awhile. I did seek the advice of a divorce attorney on three separate occassions over the course of three years. Each time I was told that because my husband was the breadwinner, he would get the house and vehicle. The first two consultations I only had a part time seasonal job though most of the time I was a stay at home mom. Eventually I was able to get my own transportation and my husband was very unhappy about it.

Out of the 10 years we were together (dating and married), I know of only about two weeks total he was sober. Some days were worse than others with his drinking. He loved Budweiser so much. I over. Our daughter seen him fall over many times. He didn’t care though that his daughter would see him passed out, drooling in the computer chair or him urinating on himself because he was so drunk to get up out of the chair.

When he was sober that was when he was the most verbally abusive. I learned to just keep my mouth shut and agree with everything. Anytime I said the wrong thing all hell would break loose. I would get screamed and cursed at everytime. There were even the times he got into my face or shook his hand as if he was going to hit me.

The most common name I was called is what you would call a female dog. If it was very bad he added stupid (expletive) to it.

There was some physical abuse that happened occasionally. Signs were there that I just didn’t see until years later during counseling sessions.

He got angry with me twice in one week and attempted to shove me down stairs (13 steps). The first time I didn’t see it coming and barely caught on to the railing. Second time I was able to catch the railing before he could get a good push. During this time he also locked me out of the apartment as I was calling a relative for help. When he realized who I was talking to he let me back in.

A few years later he got angry with me again while were living in our house. We had been sitting downstairs talking when I said the wrong thing. He chased me upstairs pushing me into the wall. There was a struggle then he threw a paint can full of Kilz at me that hit the wall. The struggle continued into the living room where he punched me in the face. I was able to punch back in self defense knocking a tooth out.

At that time though, I felt that because I had fought back (which I thought was wrong to do) that I had no merit and I was just as guilty.

That’s not true though. I didn’t deserve to be attacked and I had every right to defend myself.

It was after our son was born that my now ex husband began showing signs something was mentally wrong. He had just returned to work after staying at home. One night he came in very late and early from his 12 hour shift. He was balling his eyes out and didn’t know why. The following day I took him to our family doctor who gave him anti depressants. He kept him out of work for a couple of weeks until the medicines kicked in.

I cannot even count how many times medications were switched. No matter what he still was abusive to me. It didn’t matter how much I took care of him, stood by his side, or defended him. He still abused me.

Surprisingly when it came to family, some overlooked it while others just didn’t get involved at all. That was part of the reason why I didn’t see it as abuse.

As I was in counseling, I did attempt to work on my marriage. My husband did go with me several times and then quit. After meeting him, my counselor who happens to focus on restoring marriages, told me I had to get out of mine. She could tell he was abusive and when she told me it was OK to leave I knew this time I could say I tried everything.

I stood my ground and threw him out. Interesting enough, he was accepting that it was over. He moved in with his mom, got a job and is working on becoming sober. He continues to fervently take his medications too. He is beginning to spend more time with our children, quality time. Recently he started going back to church with the help of the kids.

Every once in a while I still catch the wrath, but this time I take up for myself. I have learned to not allow him to have control over me, which he hates. I am no longer afraid of him.

While my story is very minor, it still was abuse. What I learned is that most family do not want to get involved in situations like this. Had it been more physically abusive, I am sure they would have stepped in.

If you feel you are being abused, it is best to consult with someone neutral such as a counselor or clergy. Look for a counselor who does non profit work. My counselor received a grant for non profit work. Churches may be able to help you locate one. Some pastors also do counseling themselves.

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Eliminating Fear Of Rejection By The Opposite Sex A Simple Exercise

Fear

There’s a lot of talk about “approach anxiety” when is comes to approaching and meeting someone attractive. My personal belief is that we all too often have actually “rejected” OURSELVES before the potential meeting ever actually happens. This is tragic, because there is a simple yet effective way to make real progress from this kind of self-limitation.

As the title has already telegraphed, what we’re talking about here is training yourself how to see yourself as others see you…and then how to see others as they see themselves.

So what does that mean?

You as a human being are in a remarkable position. Have you ever considered how wild it truly is that out of six billion plus human beings just like you on this planet, you will only ever see light through the eyes of ONE of them? You are confined to your own physical being, at least as far as the laws of physics apply in this life. The metaphysics of all this are, of course, a subject better suited to some other article that is not about dating and relationships. Fair enough.

But since we ARE focused like a laser on your total, utter and massive success in the dating world-up to and including complete control over your dating life-you’d best believe that there is tremendous value in exploring this concept more deeply from a certain perspective.

So many of us artificially limit ourselves from believing that we can possibly deserve the kind of partner we want. Going way beyond “approach anxiety”…going way beyond “getting beat by a girl” and indeed way beyond anything you’ve ever heard from me until now, it can be safely assumed that much of the problem is directly attributable to how you see yourself vs. how you see others.

Here’s what I mean.

Since you know every intimate detail of your own thoughts, fears and weaknesses-as well as your strengths, of course-you know all of your own darkest secrets. Every imperfection, every prurient thought, every doubt and indeed-every single blasted thing that would cause you humiliating embarrassment if others knew.

Armed with this knowledge, what do you do? You go out and become completely disarmed by a “beautiful” and apparently “perfect” creature of the opposite gender. In your mind, he or she is flawless.

Then comes the vortex of self-doubt. “Oh man…I could never be in HER league. She’s a veritable vision of perfection…and I can’t even get into an elevator without feeling claustrophobic, come from a foreign country, need a haircut, have a big nose, have spring allergies, say stupid things when nervous, chew my toenails in private and once cheated on a math test.”

So once again you talk yourself out of being successful.

Erstwhile, your “vision of perfection” is inside her own state of being thinking, “Girl…get yourself TOGETHER! Your panty lines are showing, you have stupid looking ears, are habitually late for work, snort when you laugh, have two crooked teeth and wear contact lenses. NO WONDER you’ve been DATELESS for a MONTH now!”

Crazy stuff, isn’t it? If only we could see inside each other’s heads. Better yet, if only we could read the thoughts of others regarding US.

Well, you can’t do that, but here are two simple exercises you CAN do:

1) Eliminate private knowledge as a “limiting factor” and take notes regarding how others respond to you

First and foremost, realize that your private thoughts are NOT public. Nobody else can evaluate you by them, so STOP using them against yourself. They do not exist in the minds of others because they CANNOT. Next, consider the comments you receive from people. Where you hear patterns repeated time and again it’s time to believe what you are hearing. If pointing to ways you can better yourself, DO SO and deserve what you want. If you hear recurring positive comments and/or see recurring positive reactions to your presence and/or interactions, begin to recognize the truly positive manner in which others perceive you. This sounds so simplistic, yet how many of us go home and obsess over self-perceived “negatives” that we are repeatedly told are POSITIVES? If you think I must be kidding, actively begin to look for clues in your social life where you have previously been oblivious. Note the PATTERNS that you detect, and trust them.

2) Pretend you are walking in the shoes of someone you find attractive

Okay, here’s the “power ball”. Ready? My guess is that when you encounter someone who really motors your sexual attraction levels, that person is actually more “perfectly imperfect” than “perfect”. The next time you are practically paralyzed by attraction towards someone, I want you pretend for a moment that you were THAT PERSON instead of yourself. In your darkest, most self-critical thoughts, what would you be most self-conscious about? Go ahead and in your blind attraction make an effort to approach that concept with sober judgment. You will likely identify an entire litany of faults and potential attitudes that would make him or her VERY insecure, at least theoretically. Ironically, you may find yourself recognizing traits and/or features that some people may be self-critical about but which are at the same time EXACTLY what is making you so hot for this person. It’s strange for sure. But it is an EYE OPENER.

What we’re really exposing here is a dark corner of human ARROGANCE. We somehow believe that our own self-pronounced judgments both AGAINST ourselves and FOR others somehow carry greater weight than everyone else’s, don’t we? That’s exactly what ends up limiting us, yet really yours or mine is only one of over six billion different perspectives-be it towards ourselves or others. For once, give yourself the gift of seeing things from the point of view of other people. Do so and enjoy the shock when you finally do meet someone who knocks you out…and you realize very quickly as you get to know him or her that many of the insecurities you saw from their potential perspective are actually ACTIVELY present in theirs. And feel the power and joy of being able to share with that person what others-namely YOU-see instead. How cool is that?

Typically, my recurring mantra is “deserve what you want” around here. Today you get a breather. Today I’ve let you in on a secret: You may already deserve WAY, WAY more than you have been giving yourself credit for.

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Dating Tips For Women – Dos & Don’ts on Your First Date

By Francis Murphy

Got a date this Saturday night for the first time? Are you nervous and worried about making the silliest mistakes that might spoil everything? Fear not! Here are some useful tips on what to do and what you should not do on your first date. These tips can surely help you make that night, a meaningful and an embarrassment-free night.

Do’s

1) Bring a mace/pepper-spray

Better be safe than sorry, right? Do carry a mace or pepper-spray in your purse. Make sure it is easily accessible. You never know when you are going to need it.

2) Take your credit card along

Traditionally, the man will pay for the bills when you go for a date. But, ‘accidents’ and ‘misfortunes’ can happen. It is advisable that you prepare yourself to pay, in case of emergency.

Don’ts

1) Wear revealing outfit

Never ever wear a revealing or too sexy outfit to a first outing. This might set the wrong impression to your guy. He might think that you are too desperate or that you are trying too hard to impress him. He might also think that you are seeking attention from other guys. Do dress nicely, though. But do not over-do it.

2) Get drunk

It is a big mistake to get yourself drunk. You might just end up displaying the worst side of yourself and eliminate the possibilities on going to your second date. You will also expose yourself to great danger of being raped by the guy. If the guy offers you a beer or champagne, just decline the offer softly. Tell him that you would like to be sober for the night so that you will remember every sweet details of your first date.

3) Pay for the food

Let the man pay the bills. If you start paying on your first date, he will assume that you are willing to pay next time and the next too. Plus, paying for a man’s meal might tarnish his ego in some way.

4) Let him drive you home

It is always safer to drive yourself. You never know what the guy is thinking or planning. If you do not own a car, you can opt to take a cab or better still, ask a girl friend to drive you home.
Now that you have known all these simple tips, enjoy your first date!

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Dating a Man Who’s a Sex Addict Versus a Man Who Loves Sex

By Sash Farah

I have a story to share about an unidentified man who claimed that he loved sex and he ‘could not live without it’. His former partner claimed that if he loved sex enough it would show through his actions, attitude and demeanor during the actual act. After studying the man’s history it was apparent he battled two addictions which were alcohol and cocaine.

While listening to the man’s stories, especially about his sexual history with women, it became apparent that he was using sex similarly like alcohol to numb and void an intangible pain that resides within him. Some of his sexual partners recognized his romantic liaisons to be lacking substance, which meant a portion of the women would not even consider him for a one night stand ‘if’ they had known better.

It was disclosed over a period of time that this man was only able to hold down one relationship over his lifetime, which is a bit disconcerting since this man is middle aged and that particular relationship was only short lived. It is not sex that determines the overall long life of a relationship though it does play a monumental role for building and sustaining a relationship.

Is it possible that he sabotaged his own relationship to the point where his partner was driven to seek sexual satisfaction from elsewhere? Sex contributes to a person’s mental, emotional and physiological well being. It was his lack of mental, emotional and physical presence that drove his partner into the arms of someone else who conveniently rescued her not only in bed but also in life.

A man who’s a sex addict will get a high off by engaging in sex with anyone. His selective filtering mechanisms for finding a good looking partner and a decent soul are low. He’s not thinking in terms of survival of the fittest, he’s only thinking in terms of his immediate survival needs. He needs his quick fix, it doesn’t matter if he’s in a committed relationship with someone or not.

This addiction lurks within him and challenges him to go seek his excitement that distracts him from his problems. He’s not too fixated on creativity while performing sex, he’s more fixated on reaching HIS height of euphoria. Every time he has sex, he may think he’s approaching salvation yet this euphoria will last from few seconds to an hour or two. Sex addicts do not weigh their risks if they are hurting anyone around them, they are on a mission where they will not walk away dissatisfied.

Safe sex is not a priority for them and in most cases they are at VERY high risk for STDs due to their random liaisons compared to other sexually active men. These risk takers believe they reach a state of immunity from contracting these sexually transmitted diseases because the symptoms of the illness would have surfaced by now. A handful of STDs remain dormant for quite a while before they start encompassing the person’s reproductive system and overall health.

From my observation, most sex addicts have other addictions that complement their erratic behavior. The man in this case was using alcohol, marijuana and cocaine to escape his realities, which were not disappearing unless he dealt with his trailing demons while sober.

To the contrary, a man that loves sex will make an effort to screen his partners. This man will not only seek satisfaction for himself, he will be cognizant to fulfill his sexual partner’s needs as well. Women claim these men are better at sex and the men’s mental focus is active not passive.

If there is any hesitation or reluctance from his partner to engage in sexual activities, he will not run off leaving skid marks for another high risk partner. He is more patient than a sex addict, perhaps due to the man’s healthy awareness of his sexuality. His sexuality does not dominate his other aspects of his life, where his family and professional life start to suffer.

A sex crazed man will use sex as a recreational activity instead as a panacea to address his unresolved life issues. Sex is a recommended stress reliever for men and women as it improves the emotional health of both genders along with other benefits. Both types of men described here want to seek pleasure yet both of them perceive sex and react to it differently.

Any form of addiction has an underlying cause that triggers certain thoughts and behaviors within a suffering person. It is best they seek guidance through a loved one or a professional therapist who can provide tools to overcome such mental and behavioral problems. It is not the act(s) that raise red flags among addicts, more so we need to learn and understand why they choose to participate in self-destructive habits.Sex Add

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By D. Giolitto

So you’ve been together for a couple of months, and feeling like this one could be for the long haul. But how do you know they’re Miss or Mister Right, when you’ve met your share of Really Wrongs? Here are five signs that special girl or guy could be “The One.”

1. You have a great time together… SOBER.

Sure, plenty of couples initially meet up at the bar or the club, but if three months later you’re on the love seat and still the beer is flowing, chances are he’s not the one for you. One of the biggest signs that you’re compatible with someone is if you like them just as much in the sober light of day as you do when you’re three sheets to the wind. Imagine, settling down and actually giving up the night life… now there’s something to shoot for!

2. You’re sexually attracted, but not TOO much.

If it’s been three months and you still can’t imagine doing anything else with your partner other than the horizontal mambo, something is definitely not right. A healthy relationship is a good balance of friendship, sexual attraction, mental affinity and emotional compatibility. “Passion marriages” might mean the most explosive sex of your life, but they also mean explosive arguments, and believe it or not, years of intense fighting and makeup sex is not nearly as fun as it sounds.

3. You laugh together… a lot!

Laughter is indeed the best medicine… especially in relationships! If you and your sweetie share the same sense of humor and can belly-laugh it up for hours, that’s a pretty encouraging sign. A year or so from now, when things aren’t as rosy as they were when love was new, it’ll be great to just shrug off the absurdity of life and have yourself some knee-slapping good times.

4. You’re alike… yet also different.

It’s common for people to be attracted to those who think, act, speak, emote and generally behave just like them. But image being with someone who was JUST LIKE YOU ALL THE TIME? That’s what I call Double Trouble, or too much of a good thing. Suppose you’re highly emotional and so is your partner… who’s the voice of reason in this relationship? Nobody! Having a couple of similar traits mixed in with some differences makes for the strongest and most balanced pairing.

5. You’d feel totally comfortable bringing them home to your family.

If you feel confident that your main squeeze would get along with, be respectful of, and even enjoy spending time with your family, then start writing out that wedding list… it doesn’t get much better than that. There is no nicer feeling than being totally at ease the first time you bring your special guy or girl home to meet the folks. Not to mention, hearing Mom and Dad saying great things about the guy or girl who means the world to you.

Does this sound like you and your honey bunny? I have news for you. You’re in LOVE. Congratulations!

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Texting Guidelines and Dating Etiquette -
10 Texting Rules For Dating Singles

By Deborrah Cooper

I’ve found that texting is generally seen as a nuisance for people over the age of 40. For one thing, most of us have fingers that are NOT bony. Those little tiny buttons on the cell phones are ridiculously small.  Plus, many of us have to find our reading glasses so we can even SEE the damn keyboard anyway! Women have the extra challenge of long and/or fake fingernails. Glamourous, sexy, make your hands look great. However, they have absolutely no traction on those little tiny plastic buttons on a cell phone keypad.

So then why is there so much hesitation when it comes to picking up the phone? Has texting become the newest addition to the list of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?”

I believe the growing preference for texting has a lot to do with its impersonal nature. It’s much easier to launch a new relationship by exchanging texts than it is to talk. It’s also very easy to say and do things over a screen that one would never have the nerve to do face to face (or say ear to ear). That would make things easier I suppose, but it also creates new problems. A large part of communication is non-verbal. When texting, the other party cannot receive those fine nuances of communication such as tone of voice, held back giggles, excited breathing, or body language that demonstrates anxiety, happiness or growing irritation.

Texting it seems, is here to stay, but there needs to be some rules in place.  After listening to dozens of complaints from friends, coworkers, and family about their relationships and texting, I came up with “10 Texting Rules For Dating Singles.”

#1 Do Share Updates or Ask for Simple  Instructions. On your way but missed your train? Texting to update your date on your revised arrival time is a considerate thing to do.  On your way to the store and can’t remember what you are supposed to pick up for dinner at her place? Receiving a texted shopping list can be a life and relationship saver! Had a great first date? Texting the day after to say, “Wow, I had a really great time with you!” is a low key, no pressure way to express appreciation for someone’s time.

#2 Never Text While on a Date. You’d think everyone would know this already, but I guess common sense ain’t real common! Texting while in a face-to-face conversation is just as rude as blabbing away on a call.  If you’re on a date and you want to see that person again, don’t sit there texting (or Twittering) the whole time, or part of the time, or even at all. That includes your best friend trying to sneakily find out how things are going, the Masters of Electronically Transmitted Whining (the kids), or an angry ex who saw you and your date in the restaurant parking lot.  Manners and courtesy must reign supreme.

#3 Texts Should Never Replace Real Conversation. Texting is only for transmitting unimportant information or short and simple messages, not an in-depth conversation. More than four texts in a row… it’s time to pick up the phone.  Middle aged fingers and hands cramp easily, okay!? Oh, and if you notice that you are having most of your relationship via texting, you need to move things along to the face to face level or just end it.

Like I said, the inherently impersonal nature of texting allows someone to “keep in touch” and keep fantasies of a relationship alive, but maintain emotional distance by never spending time with you.  I’ve known guys to do a cut and paste type of thing and send the same text to a dozen women at almost the same time.  It’s a time-saving way to cast a wide net and see who will let him come over for sex.  Women should not make it so easy to be used for uncommitted booty calls.

#4 Does Anyone Care But You? Do not send text after text describing your every move, every conversation, or every thought.  The fact that your coworker was late for the 10th time this month is of no importance to anyone but you. Get it? Unless what you are texting involves the recipient in some manner, and is very urgent (or at least a funny joke to break up our day), then don’t send a text.

#5 Do Not Send Compromising Photos. Are people these days crazy? What in the world is going on with this “sexting” stuff? Why would females send pictures of naked body parts (including their genitalia) over cell phones? Young ladies, not only is such behavior classless, it’s ridiculously dangerous. And if the sender or receiver of a sexually oriented text is a minor, it’s also illegal.

The long-term repercussions of this type of loose attitude about one’s body has concerned me for a long time. Women are likely to be humiliated to discover that they are the brunt of jokes, as guys will often share the sexy texts they get from random women with their buddies and have a good laugh. You’ll then be labeled, and it won’t be flattering. Think before you act.

Also important to remember is that some folks don’t do well with breakups and their vindictiveness spews forth like an erupting volcano. Your photos or videos could end up anywhere on the Internet, in a magazine, movie, or in a photo composite with someone else’s body doing something awful, topped off by YOUR FACE.

#6 If You’ve Been Drinking, Back Away From the Keypad! People will say and do things with firewater in their systems that they would NEVER do if sober. What types of things have I heard you ask? Sexual invitations to people known to have no interest, fights from months ago renewed with vigor due to unresolved anger, personal questions asked and personal information volunteered in a straight bonehead move. Liquid courage does that to people! Though alcohol doesn’t put ideas into our heads, a little booze definitely relaxes the constraints we have in place on our mouths and evidently our fingers. So, if you’ve been to happy hour(s), or had a few martini’s at home, do not send anyone a text. Your texting privileges are revoked until you are 100% sober.

#7 Don’t Expect Instant Gratification. Do not get upset if you don’t get a reply back within seconds of sending a text. People over the age of 25 usually have full-time jobs, families, and things to do that involve their hands, including cooking, typing, and driving. They’ll return your communication with a text or a phone call when they can.  One should also remember that technology is great, but not perfect. I’ve sent texts that didn’t arrive at their destination for 45 minutes to several hours! I’ve also had the same problem with receiving transmissions sent to me by others.

#8 Always Be Aware of Your “Tone of Voice” and Communication Style. It’s difficult to discern the sender’s tone in text messages, just as it is in e-mail. What may be meant as humorous sarcasm, or a completely innocuous message to you may be easily misinterpreted by the recipient of your text. Such miscommunication can cause hurt feelings and unnecessary tension, and require an unbelievable amount of apologizing and explaining to fix. In some instances it will cost you the relationship. Watch the shorthand and acronyms as well. Not everyone is up on the textn lingo neway, and yr msg may leave sum1 scratching their head in confusion sayn L8tr4u vs ROFLMAO.

#9 Asking for Dates by Text is a No-No. Texting to set-up a date is bogus! Have the courage to speak up and risk rejection like a big boy or girl. Yeah, I know you’re a recent returnee to the dating scene, talking to someone you don’t know well feels awkward, and asking for a date when you might hear “no!” is scary. But one of the top qualities singles seek is a confident partner that goes after what he or she wants. Confident, secure people have an air about them that is very sexy…  passive, hesitant, insecure people do not.

#10 Do Not Break It Off By Text. Neither do you use Twitter, Facebook, AIM, My Space, MSN messenger, email or fax. Use of any form of informal, emotionally disconnected electronic communication to dump someone is chickenshit. Not only is it immature, it’s just plain rude. If you opt to treat other people in such a way, don’t be surprised when your text is put on blast and ends up on Twitter, Facebook, My Space and every message forum in the world. Be an adult whydontcha, and tell people via phone (at least) that you two are not a match and you’re moving on.

Text messaging isn’t necessarily a tool of The Devil, but there can be quite a bit of misinterpretation and miscommunication if not used correctly. Texting is a great way to stay connected to someone you are madly in love with, and a useful tool to touch base with casual or new dating partners. However, texting is not and never will be a replacement for a heart-felt telephone conversation full of sighs and laughter.

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First impressions are vital but most people can’t help but make a snap judgement in the first few seconds of meeting someone. With online dating, this is amplified because it is easy to dismiss a dating profile which doesn’t grab your attention (or one which grabs it in the wrong way!)

While it is easy to make mistakes when you’re new to online dating, like using old clichés on your profile or posting  photos that don’t represent the current you, if you read these top tips on online dating profiles, you are far more likely to get a better start and more responses.

Your Photo’s

Use photos which are clear and well lit and show you smiling in front of a pleasant background are most likely to bring interest from people on online dating sites. A green and leafy park or an interesting place which could present an initial talking point are good choices for backgrounds. Grey concrete walls, offices or your bedroom are not so ideal. Also, it is best not to take your own profile picture – it can look as though you have no friends to do it for you!

What to write?

There are so many dating profile pages that it seems a tall order to come across as genuinely original and witty. However, if you steer away from some of the over-used catchphrases and clichés, your profile is far more likely to generate interest.

Examples of online dating profile page cliches:

‘I am happy spending a night on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a good movie’. Who isn’t? This doesn’t really say much about you being original, because it is too generic. Be more specific about your interests.

‘I’ve never done this before’ – the subtext behind this statement is that you that you’re insecure or see online dating as a little weird. Remember – people reading your profile are also dating online, it is best not to come across as too skeptical or too cautious about online dating.

‘My friend persuaded me join this site’ – why? – because you would never have done such a thing on your own? Once again – people reading this are also dating online, so it’s important not to alienate them by making it sound like you were reluctant to try online dating by yourself.

‘Hi, my name is Amy and I’m 32’. If this is your opening paragraph then it’s not exactly going to stand out amongst other profiles. Try to start with something that gives a real insight into you as a person, as opposed to straight facts.

Check it through carefully

If your profile page has mistakes, this can have some fairly long-lasting consequences. An example of this is a dating site user who wanted to make a point that he was Egyptian. After weeks of few responses, he took another look at his dating profile, only to discover he had accidentally implied he was only interested in “dating Egyptians”. Once the mistake was corrected, he had a lot more success!

After reading this and you think you are ready, fill your online dating profile out here and get a free month at http://www.searchingformymate.com

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OK.  So you’ve joined an online dating service and written an awesome profile.  You’ve uploaded a great picture and now you’ve gotten a few emails, and you’re getting ready to respond.  But what now?  How do you start weeding through those responses who have real potential and those who would be a waste of time?

You need to find out about who this strange person really is and not what they want you to believe they are.  It would be great if people wore labels like “Gold Digger”, “Daddy’s girl” or  “Scam Artist” etc., but they don’t. So it’s up to you to find out these things and you can’t just ask direct questions.  You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this person if you decide you want to do that.

After you get past the initial small talk, ask them “What are the biggest mistakes guys/girls make when dating online?”  Listen carefully to the answers.  Their going to tell you a lot about themselves and their views in general, probably more than you asked for, but you will find out a lot.

Next you should ask them, “What do you really think about online dating?”  Now they will usually tell you if they’ve had any bad experiences with dating online and help you to avoid making the same mistakes as previous dates.

Now for the all-important question, ”What caused the break up in your last relationship?”  If he/she puts all the blame on the other person, you should probably move on to the next prospect.  If he/she takes all the blame him or herself, you should probably do the same.  If he/she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer.  Move forward but always with caution.

People who Place All the Blame, may not be willing or capable of looking at themselves or their part in the situation. So you would be dating someone who “Has no faults” or is clueless about themselves or having an open and honest mind. People who Take All the Blame can have low self esteem issues and probably don’t see the situation for the way it really was, and probably have a distorted sense of self.

Asking the right questions will give you insight, possibly open your own eyes and make you more confident when you meet the person for the first time.

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With the explosion of online dating sites has come a virtual “all you can eat buffet” of choices. There are free dating sites. There are the large “Corporation” paid dating sites with many features such as chat, IM and even matchmaking services for profiles.

There are the “more affordable” paid sites with just a few features, and then there are the “special interest” sites. Sites for almost any kind of person you can think of: outdoor and athletic, couch potatoes, religious dating, non-religious dating, gays and lesbians dating. You name it, it’s probably out there. So what’s a person to do with all these choices?

How to choose the site or sites that best fits my needs?

Here are some things to consider when looking for the Best Internet Dating Sites:

(1)    Cost. How much do you want to spend? or how much can you spend each month for your membership or memberships?

(2)    Features. What features are most important to you?

(A)    Profile matching systems? Is this something you really want or need? Would you rather decide who is right for you by yourself?

(B)    Chat and IM’s? Most dating sites offer chat rooms and IM’s services. Does this matter to you or would you be ok just sticking to private email?

(C)    Outside Events? Some sites offer outside events such as speed dating? Is this something you’re interested in?

(D)    Privacy. Some dating sites allow you to limit who can view your picture or your profile. Is this important to you or would you want as much exposure as you can get?

(E)    Safety. There are dating sites who do background checks of all subscribers and to certify their age, marital status and background. Would you feel safer using this feature?

These are a few things you might consider when choosing an online dating service or services. Use some of these to help you choose the best internet dating sites for you.

Good Luck.

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